Met with 목사님 and 사모님 again tonight and was again refreshed. It is amazing – we can barely understand each other, our personalities and life experiences and life situations are so different, and yet my Spirit is delighted (as with an old friend) at meeting their Spirit. Received the encouragement I longed for, a much-needed reminder of who God is. Discouragement creeps up so subtly, and it begins with a quiet skewing of my perception of God and his purpose. I forgot that he is not only a God of hardness and discipline – he is also a God of joy; a God with a father’s heart.
They held my hands and prayed for me. I felt cared-for; cradled. Someone saw my distress and didn’t wait for me to ask for help, but reached out. I know a little how the beaten man felt when the Samaritan stopped to help him. I’ve been feeling weak and beaten. I’ve been indulging in the sweet acid of self pity. I took pity on myself because I forgot that my God is the God of All Mercy. I forgot his pitying heart. I looked at my own weakness and felt that I couldn’t do any better – forgot that he doesn’t ask us to do anything in our weakness, but in his strength. Oh, the relief of being understood and lifted up by stronger arms to a God who is wide and kind, who knows me deeply and loves me as a father loves.
I have been wrong to have so underestimated God. How can I tell others who he is if I don’t let myself see that he is a Father who loves me, his daughter; who sees and cares that my heart is tired and hurt…? I am thankful to him for friends that don’t say, “keep your chin up, think positively!”, but instead hold my hands and pray. I hope the next time I see someone who is lonely and tired and beaten down and stepped-on, that I won’t give advice but remind them who is the Living God who pities poor humans.
Father, restore my perspective. Let me see you. Let me see other things as you see them. Remind me that I need not face things with my own strength, but with yours. Give me a spirit of victory and a spirit of praise. Remind me that in your presence is Fullness of Joy.
